What I eat, apparently

The only thing better then chocolate is chocolate with chocolate. The only thing better then chocolate with chocolate is chocolate with chocolate and chocolate. The only thing better then chocolate with chocolate and chocolate is — Wait. This has the grand potential of becoming mindnumbing and repetitive. Or, as I prefer to say, repetetetitititive. It’s a word much more expressive of it’s real meaning. Kind of like how monotony should be pronounced with the same emphasis on each syllable.

So, if we assume that, instead of logic and numbers, the world was actually comprised of stomachs and chocolate, then this would totally be functional:

$chocolate = chocolate; //This is totally a number. The chocolate number!
$moarchocolate = $chocolate;

for ($i = 1; $i <= stomachBloat(); $i++){
	$moarchocolate++;
	print 'The only thing better then ' . $chocolate . ' is '
. $moarchocolate . '.';
	$chocolate++;
}

This is the sort of bad php that most people have a hard time stomaching, but I find it quite appetizing! And to those whose brains have yet to fall out, I give thee this:

This is about 4 iterations or so into that aforementioned chocolate loop. Chocolate pie crust, plus chocolate pudding, plus chocolate whipped cream, plus chocolate ice cream (containing chocolate brownie chunks), topped with chocolate sauce. Thank Drew for this baby. Quite delightful, indeed!

So there was this discussion about brownies going on, after having just baked a delightful batch of not quite chocolatey enough brownies. See, undercooked brownies are always superior to any other sort of brownies, as it is the only real way to guarantee that the brownies will be appropriately squishy. It’s not that no-gooey brownies are necessarily bad, you see, it’s simply a fact that gooey brownies are so overwhelmingly delicious that it’s practically a crime to purposely create non-gooey brownies.

But anyhow. If given a choice between ‘underdone’ and ‘overdone’, there’s a range of food that fall into each category in terms of maximum deliciousness:

Underdone
-Cookies (for similar reasons as brownies)
-Steak (not raw, mind you, but a little blood is quite endearing)
-Tuna (mm..seared tuna)
-Many types of seafood that are delicious raw, in fact

Overdone
-Marshmallows
-Hot Dogs (specifically campfire hot dogs, this also applies to the marshmallows. There’s just something about food charred in a fire that screams ‘delicious’)
-Pasta
-Rice
-Chicken (well, much of this is for health reasons, actually)

Hmm, can’t think of any more. Dang! Anyhow, these are the actual brownies that got made and eaten. Quite tasty!

So this was an exercise in ridiculousness that ended up being an exercise in bloat. But then again, so goes many things.

See, I ended up with an unexpected block of cheesecake, due to parentals leaving town for awhile and not wishing to throw out perfectly good groceries. So like any red-blooded American, my immediate instinct was, of course, to make cheesecake. So I get block #2 of cream cheese and a graham cracker pie crust, and a day or so later prepare to do the deed.

Like any red-blooded American, I put off until the last minute the most important part - locating a recipe. I quickly discovered that any decent looking cheesecake recipe a.) called for more cream cheese then I actually had on hand and/or b.) required condensed milk, which I definitely did not possess.

So I switched to Plan B: making cheesecake brownies. This went swimmingly up until the point I realised that, despite the oven having preheated for several minutes, the oven was not emitting any actual heat. There was also a faint glow of oil in the air that wafted into my brownie-cheesecake-odorless nostrils. No good at all.

Turned out the oven was not functioning. So, stuck the concoction in the freezer, and several days later (this took place right before the weekend) the oven gets fixed. After like 2 hours of baking because I’m a genius and wanted sugar more then I wanted defrosted and evenly baked brownies, it produced this:

And, like any red blooded Americans, we devoured all of them in the next 30 hours. Did I mention the bloat?

I heart chocolate chip cookies. Actually, I think this sentiment is universal. And look, they even love each other (they’re cuddling!):

You know what’s really good? Chocolate chip cookies with a bunch of crap in them. Like, several types of chocolate plus peanut butter plus nuts plus m&ms. Absolutely delightful.

So at some point in the vaguely recent past, I happened to acquire a small collection of goobers. I’m not quite sure I’ve had goobers before this point but, sad to say, they’re just not all that good. I need them to at least be doused in caramel or some other substance, at least they’d be approaching Snickers-like tastiness at that point. However, apparently I need a minimum of Whitman’s Sampler quality chocolate and peanuts to satiate me.

Not that this has stopped me from eating them, however. Which is precisely what I was doing when I decided they needed to be documented in pixel-form. I knew they couldn’t just be in little ball glob form, it’s simply not festive enough. So I made a swirlie:

Think of them as hippie goobers?

Actually, as I was doing this, I just kept thinking of rabbit poop. I mean, I’m pretty sure they taste better, but visually they do bear a strong resemblance. All of which inevitably led to this horrid accident:

I mean, c’mon, if you were decapitated, I’m sure that holding it all in would be the last thing on your (lack of) mind.

This did nothing to improve the taste, by the way.