So, or those of you in the Eastern Time zone and that strange land of afar called Euroasiafricustralia (err, something like that), it’s already Valentine’s Day. Meaning, of course, that it’s high time I wrote about something that’s completely repulsive. And, quite tragically, it involves bacon.
I’ve never been to a Jack in the Box before. I still haven’t, in fact. But my coworker Erin has. As stoically as a vegetarian can, she brought into work a bacon milkshake from Jack in the Box for all of us to try. And, holy crap, it tastes like bacon. Not in a good way, however. More in the “wow I want to make my mouth into a giant faucet” kind of manner. I tried to be openminded about the whole thing. I mean, I’ve heard the rumors of how delicious dark chocolate with bacon and sea salt can be. Ingredients that can seem strange sometimes have a magic way of becoming harmonious. I mean, I used to think green tea and red bean ice cream sounded awfully gross until I actually tried them. And I like to think that, somewhere out there, is a person with the ability to combine bacon and ice cream into something that is delectable. This person does not work at Jack in the Box.
I took a sip. The texture was satisfying and cold and creamy, and I almost liked it but BACON. Like, really weird aftertaste bacon. Like, if I didn’t know this milkshake was made with artificial bacon (all vegetarian, hah!), I’d be convinced they used bacon grease to make it. And the aftertaste, the gross gross aftertaste. But, the texture. So creamy. I kept trying to drink it. Partly, because I hate to waste food. Partly, because I *wanted* to like it, no matter what level of repulsion it had. So I’d shudder and take another sip. My stomach started turning. So I’d wait 5 minutes for the nausea to pass, then take another sip. Eventually I got a coworker to take it away, and I spent the rest of the day in various states of nausea. So, yeah. Don’t get the bacon shake unless you really enjoy a good old fashion stomach sickness.