I miss having grill access. See, it’s like this: if you’re never had grill access before, not having grill access is no big deal. You’re all like “Whoop de do, I could pull that off on my George Foreman anytime I want.” But then, you are gifted with the opportunity to use a real grill, like a giant one with magical flames that you can smell from miles away. And then, you suddenly find yourself living in an apartment with no patio, not even a balcony….not even a gas stove. It’s quite drastic. The closest I get to a grill these days is lighting a match over a marshmallow or a hot dog. C’est la guerre.
In any case, back when I did have grill access, I got to try out a wire basket in which you can cook things on a grill that would otherwise fall to their tiny, crispy demises in the open flame. So I chopped up some plants, including green pepper, onions, and pineapple, and added in some sea life, including scallops, sea bass, and tilapia. I probably sprinkled some oil or seasonings or something on it, maybe squeezed a lime or two. But it doesn’t matter, you know why? Because I used scallops. It is physically impossible to mess up scallops, because scallops are inherently delicious (feel free to include sea bass into this category, as well). They’re so delicious that it almost makes me want to go hijack the Wikipedia entry for ‘scallops’ and delete everything, leaving only the word ‘delicious’, in giant bold caps.
You know, if someone is planning on showing off their culinary aptitude, the last thing anyone should ever use is high quality ingredients. For example, these delicious scallops. I could have deep fried them in motor oil and they still would have tasted awesome (well, up until that whole “having a seizure and dying” part, at least). A person with true skill would get one of those rectangles/bricks of perch and make something delicious with it instead. I grew up eating perch rectangles, and it was not a pretty picture. And if you don’t know what perch rectangles are, let me enlighten you.
See, at the grocery store, you can get fish from the fresh (or pre-frozen and thawed) section, some of these resemble whole fish and some of these resemble chunks of fish. Or, you can go to the frozen section and get a prepackaged pile of fish that resembles chunks of fish. Drop down another level, and you’ve got fish that has been sculpted into a rectangle shape, often perch. I’m not really sure what you’re supposed to do with perch rectangles (maybe get some fish paste and build yourself a perch fireplace?) In any case, I’ve managed not to think about perch bricks since I was 17, which was the last time I’ve eaten part of one. And now they haunt my mind again. Curse you, delicious scallops!