Biscuits and sausages and tuna, or, The joys of depending on others

So Drew and I recently made a cross-country drive in a moving truck from Richmond to Denver. Prior that, we had flown back to Richmond for the weekend to get said truck. Meaning that for about 2.5 days, we were without either a home or a car. This also meant that (when we weren’t eating out at least), we were also rather dependent on other people when it came to food. So, we mooched/relied on the generous offerings of various relative types.

One of the best things about eating a meal that someone else has prepared is that it’s kinda like eating at a restaurant, minus that whole “bill” thing. And you don’t have to wear shoes for service (bonus!). Albeit, whether it’s more like some gourmet frou-frou place or more like Applebees is completely out of your control, but when it’s free and you’re hungry, this matters little. How convenient it is that Drew’s stepmom Bryar is pretty much a gourmet chef, and made delicious tuna steak for the night we ate dinner there. Like, the sort of tuna steak that was mildly seared and gloriously raw in the middle, and covered in a creamy joyous sauce. The sort of tuna steak that you just kinda wanna roll around on top of if, assuming you could get ahold of one of those machines from “Honey, I shrunk the kids”. And best of all, the sort of tuna steak that makes you long to die from mercury poisoning (I really can’t think of a better way to go, personally).

However, I failed to actually document said tuna steak with a camera. So instead, I will post a photo of a different meal made by Bryar, eaten not very long ago, which was similarly luscious.

Not tuna!

This steak was nice and reddish in the middle, the sort of steak that cuts like butter. Thus, much like a tuna steak. You know when PETA was promoting their whole sea kitten shenanigans? So tuna, majestic beasts that they are, would be like sea cattle. And, obviously, cattle are land tunas. They’re practically indistinguishable! Also, replace delicious green beans with delicious snow peas, and starch #723768 (potatoes + tasty cheeses) with starch #828773 (rice), and you’ve pretty much got the photo that I neglected to take.

So, driving west took about 3 days, and we managed to spend only $6.50 on food (not including beverages). This is because we were loaded down with sandwiches and cookies by my parents when we left. We spent the first night at Drew’s aunt Sharon and uncle Jeff’s place, whereupon we gained another giant pile of sandwiches and cookies to last us most of the rest of the way. Incidentally, we also gained a few of these babies in our stomachs:


There are few things that start your day better then discs of meat and starches. And thusly did Jeff’s biscuits propel us onward. And thusly did I also spend a chunk of that morning hearing Eddie Izzard’s routine in my head where he mentions “Jeff, the God of biscuits.” We got to take a few of those babies with for the next day’s breakfast, as well.

Incidentally, I look forward to technology completely transforming the way humans live when it comes to food. People should be embracing genetically modified food. Why? Because I know deep down in my heart that someday, someone will invent a biscuit tree. Then, I can indeed die happy.

P.S. If anyone buys me one of these babies, I will name my firstborn after you.

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One Comment

  1. bestessay June 16, 2017 7:26 am

    I have been eating the same in every meal and I think that it is the best thing to eat if you are on a diet plan. Some time it makes me feel that you are pretty conscious about health.