Whereupon I make badly formed improv pasta, giving you all of the gory details

Pseudo-homemade pasta is so amazingly easy to make, it’s disgusting. Actually, it’s rather tasty when done right, but that’s beside the point. Pseudo-homemade past requires two ingredients: pasta, and sauce. So you open up a box of the noodle shape of your choice, dump them in a pot with some water, and boil. Then you realise that water makes the third ingredient (d’oh!). Pasta is happy and springy, so you dump in a jar of pasta sauce, stir, and serve. Blandest pasta ever, yay!

This is where the improv pasta comes in. You take the super easy pseudo-homemade recipe, and then dump in everything from your fridge that seems like it might be reasonably appetizing when dumped in a pot together. This current instance of improv pasta was badly formed, but still ended up tasty.

My original plan had been to make enough for two people. So I dumped in a small amount of ziti noodles and let those babies simmer on the stove. I had a bag of dried gluten I realised I could add, the sort of fake-meat that behaves just like ground beef/chicken when saturated with waters and flavors. So I dumped some in, and, realising I was nearing the end of the bag, decided to dump the rest in as well. And then came all the vegetables. A small pile of chopped vegetation by itself it not a large quantity, but when you hack up several varieties of vegetables, your volume really, uh, voluminizes. So I hacked up some carrot, and some artichoke hearts, and some onion, and possibly other vegetables I’ve forgotten, and dumped them on into the pasta. I realised I had about a third of a jar of red sauce sitting in the fridge for what was turning into significantly more then two servings of food, so I opened up a can of chopped tomatoes and added those babies as well. I psychically tried to encourage them to be sneaky and disguise themselves as additional red sauce as best they could, to save the potential mediocrity that is inherently attached to pasta without enough sauce. I decided to motivate them further by adding sauce-related ingredients like brown sugar and vinegar, along with the already random things I was dumping in such as Asian hot sauce and chipotle sauce. And garlic. Because garlic is such a weird and random thing to add to pasta.

The pasta came out looking a bit more like stew at first, and it’s lucky I didn’t use any more ingredients as it was threatening to go AWOL on the pot I was using. So I slopped some into a set of shallow dishes, dumped some Colby Jack on top, and commanded Drew to join me in savoring the delectable slop I’d made. The pasta was surprisingly delicious, especially considering how it looked. The canned tomatoes definitely added Joy (emphasis on the capital J), and the chipotle sauce helped! I am a firm believer in the use of chipotle sauce in pasta.

Anyhow, the picture alone didn’t due justice to the pasta’s flavor, so I had to crank up the Italy a bit to balance out the bland looking entree.

Italy pasta

In conclusion, pasta wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if it weren’t for Photoshop!

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