Dairy and Cheese and Constipation, Oh My! (A Pizza Saga)

Nothing says “Hooray for springtime!” like a hearty dose of constipation. There are many efficient ways to achieve this stopped-up state of being, more then you’d rather me tell you about, in fact. So I shall simply stick to one of the most popular means of getting constipated. That being, of course, eating tasty pizza.

It all started with a grand adventure to Trader Joe’s, whereupon I acquired a delightful bag of goo. Not any goo, mind you, but goo in the form of future pizza crust, which I will hereafter refer to by the more colloquial term, “dough”. There were several sorts of dough bags to choose from, including plain and whole wheat. I got the garlic and herb dough, as I was feeling saucy. Well, not saucy (that part came later), I suppose I was feeling herby. Or simply feeling the overwhelming urge to not be surrounded by vampires. In any case, it was a giant ball of dough for a buck.

pizza dough

The dough was plentiful and rolled out reasonably well, and was superior in so many ways to the Walmart pizza dough I got a little while back. In fact, my cup, or pan as the case may be, ranneth over with dough. So I was all like “Omg! Stuffed crust time!”. I hacked out some slices of mozzarella and folded them the best I could into the pizza crust. Next came the “sauce”. I’d neglected to get a can of tomato paste to make into sauce, and, being lazy, had no inclination to go out and purchase any. So, I just slapped some marinara sauce on that bad boy and hoped for the best. Next came the toppings. Mozzarella cheese, followed by some tomato, ham, and green onion, plus mozzarella cheese, plus some parmesan cheese. Then, just to mix things up and be all crazy, some more mozzarella cheese.

uncooked pizza

So it cooked for awhile, and at some point a telepathic connection appeared between the pizza and my stomach. I could just feel it calling out to me, yearning to be lovingly consumed. So I pulled it out of the oven, and there it was in all of it’s magical and swollen glory.

mmm pizza

The apparently bad attempt at making this a stuffed crust pizza caused some serious lopsidedness. This in no way interfered with the taste, however. The dough was thick and squishy and flavorful, and I heated up some extra marinara sauce to dip the ginormous crust into. Quite tasty, my only wish was that I’d had actual pizza sauce rather then just the marinara sauce. I’ll simply have to remember that for next time, as there will indeed be a next time for this delicious dough!

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  1. Alisa@Foodista April 8, 2009 11:38 am

    Yum! I’m suddenly craving for some pizza, that looks delicious!


    • What I Eat, Apparently April 8, 2009 1:58 pm

      Yay, it’s always a good time for pizza!


      • Mariam May 14, 2009 5:52 pm

        Making pizza with homemade crust is so much tastier than with storebought/ prepackaged-crust. Marinara sauce ALWAYS works fine for us; I never really liked pizza sauce because it was much too salty. Besides, pizza sauce is basically marinara sauce, just less flavorful and more floury-sticky-yucky.

  2. melatonintablets July 27, 2009 4:03 am

    just make sure you have lots of dietary fiber in your food and you will be able to reduce the chances of having Constipation.


  3. How To Treat Acne Scars September 7, 2009 7:19 am

    it is easy to avoid and treat Constipation. Just eat lots of Fruits and Vegetables with fiber in it. Drink lots of water and fruit juices too.


  4. anna October 18, 2009 4:49 am

    whenever i get Constipation, all i need to do is drink lots of orange juice and eat foods that have very high fiber.


  5. Rafael Cagley May 1, 2010 4:31 pm

    it is easy to relieve constipation. just eat some fruits and veggies with lots of juice and fiber.~*-

  6. rushmy essay April 23, 2017 3:33 am

    I am sure that there is nothing more delicious in this world if it is made from the cheese. My mouth is really getting watery and I really want to have this recipe right now.