Picnic Fun Times (AKA Wieners and More!)

Let’s be honest here. There are few problems in life that a nicely charred wiener wouldn’t fix. Especially a big fat wiener. And, it being July 5th, it’s about one day after the ideal time for such wieners.

And boy, are they some fat wieners!

Big fat wieners

I must confess, that as much of a cheap bastard as I am, I have ethical difficulties with being cheap when it comes to hot dogs and similar wieners. Well, ‘cheaper’, as the case may be. Generally, the cheapest you can go is a 10 pack of short little wieners. These will not only inevitably leave an extra 2+ inches at the end of your bun that is bun-only, but you’ll have 2 wieners left over after all the buns are gone. Were I really thrifty, I could hack those last 2 dogs into fourths, and place each piece in that 2 inch space at the end of the other 2 hot dogs on buns. But, that whole ‘effort and foresight’ thing just kind of eludes me sometimes. Also, there’s the fact that purchasing these measly wieners in 10 packs will only encourage the manufacturers to make more. This, the cheapest I go is the ‘bun length’ types in the 8 pack, and if I’m feeling saucy, I’ll straight up go for the bratwursts or Italian sausage.

And, to counterbalance the wiener situation, an often appropriate accompaniment is said to be the raw veggie tray:

veggie tray

(Ooh, it’s an action shot! It’s like you can feel that green thing getting dipped!)

I actually struggle with the concept of veggie tray as ‘appropriate accompaniment’. Mind you, it beats potato salad any day, but nonetheless, the majority of vegetables on such things are unacceptable. Raw broccoli? Raw carrots? Raw cauliflower?! I’ll happily down all the cherry tomatoes, mind you, and also nibble a bit on the celery and whatever peppers might be found. But there’s some things that are just not meant to be consumed raw. Or at all. I mean, cauliflower? Really.

And of course, an excellent counterpart to the veggie tray (and, by extension, an artery-clogging partner in crime with the hot dogs) is the massive pile of brownies. At the point of this photograph, they had diminished to the minor pile, which is why I defaulted to Über Closeup Time to achieve the proper effect.

brownies

These were mildly experimental, in that, while in the process of making said brownies, I was overtaken by a fit of hysterics and immediately threw in 10 caramel pieces. It worked out quite well, I think, assuming we define ‘quite well’ as ‘there were several times when one would bite into a brownie and find their jaws stuck together, but in a good way’. But then again, if there are brownies involved, is the concept of ‘bad way’ even possible?

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One Comment

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